Altuve is Terrible and I love it

Altuve has been a baseball menace for a handful of years before this one already. The seemingly four foot tall second baseman for the Houston Astros used to be one of the most dominant hitters of this era, you couldn't even pitch to him. But now, since the Houston Astros have been caught cheating all of Altuve's "talent has disappeared".

Since the Astros have been caught cheating both the players and the fans have finally been able to come together and all collectively hate one singular team unlike anything we have seen before, and it appears Altuve is getting the worst of it, not necessarily through the amount of times he's been thrown at or targeted, but through his play.

Dude has missed ground balls, pop flys, and certainly hasn't been able to make contact when in the batter's box. Now it is time for the argument to be made, did the man ever have any MLB Caliber baseball talent at all? I mean yes of course he had some talent to get to the league but who knows how deep this cheating scandal ran and how long he's been doing, I mean he is a little guy so it certainly must've been hard for him to have any real great hitting ability before this.


Look, I am no sports investigative journalist so I am definitely not going to look for Altuve's minor league stats to prove my point that he never had any talent, but what I am going to do is some simple math. One season Altuve is batting .350+ in the regular season and the next he can barely touch the ball, these two season don't add up. One of these seasons he was cheating, the other he was not... he was only using his raw baseball talent with the same knowledge that everyone else has at their disposal. What does this tell you? Well I am not you so I don't know what the fuck its telling you, but what it's telling me is that Altuve is a talentless LOSER with a little man's complex who cheats to succeed in life.


At the end of the day it feels good to get all of this out, I truly love angry ranting at another man's disposal, but Jose Altuve is on a 7 year/ 163 million dollar deal.. so I guess he wins. But yea fuck him.

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