Roblox Takes Wall Street By the Balls



There has been a ton of controversy in the stock market already in 2021, a surging class war between the proletariat and the white collar elites pulling strings from behind the scenes, a pattern of crashes and resurgences, and much much more. But…this is not your average cup of tea my friends. This. Is. Roblox. For those of you who do not know, Roblox was the toxin corruption that paved way for the Tik Tok generation to ruin everything we hold near and dear. While chatting in a groupchat this morning, an anonymous, risk devouring associate described Roblox as “Special needs Minecraft”. At least, Roblox was kind of funny. Well known for it’s iconic death noise that sounds like an adolescent teen being pegged by the detached leg of a coffee table, it is a online multiplayer game that allows users to design their own games and have others explore them.



It is a game full of games that allows creative users to even earn commission from their games if kids use Robux on it. In 2020, about 300 people earned over $100,000 in commissions from Roblox worlds. So, in a world where Gamestop and AMC single handedly bent an entire hedge fund over on a chair, where does Roblox measure up? Ill tell you where. The top of the fucking food chain. Roblox is IPO (Initial Public Offering) on the stock market for 45$ today, March 10th, 2021, a day that will live in infamy. You know damn well there are countless amounts of old white men scrambling around with their bald spots gleaning like the armor of Athena in a bright sunset, flailing around in disarray screaming, “What the FUCK is a ROBLOX????” And while they are posted up like Spongebob’s brain cells trying to remember his name, the people will strike. Roblox will be the Holy Grail of 2021… so buckle up, hold onto everything you hold dear, and get ready, because Here. Comes. Roblox.

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