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Some Historical Misconceptions That You Probably Believe

Updated: Aug 5

No one was ever burned at the stake during the Salem Witch Trials.

If you’re not familiar with the Salem Witch Trials, essentially a bunch of females started going crazy and so the town of Salem brought in a doctor in 1692 to diagnose them with some disease. The guy diagnosed them as victims of black magic. Some fuckin doctor. As a result, mass hysteria ensued and eventually 20 people were executed. 19 were sent to the gallows to be hung while one old guy, Giles Corey, was the lone exception. He was crushed to death by two boards of wood that continuously were layered with stones until the weight took his life. They seriously thought a 79 year old man was holding out as a witch so they crushed him to death…imagine actually living in one of these stupid ass cultures? As some stories go is that he would not admit to witchcraft because if he had, the law would constitute his property and savings being seized which would destroy his family, and instead he took an honorable death. Supposedly, he was quoted as to only saying one thing while between the boards, “more weight”. Say what you want but that is fire. Imagine how pissed Stewart and his wife, Martha, were going home for supper that night. The myth that people were burned at the stake during the Salem trials was likely brought about by European practices of execution. There were many witches being burned in places like Germany and Italy, but they were frequently burned post execution to prevent after death sorcery. Very sad for the necrophiliacs who craved the magic box. Down Bad.

The Egyptian Pyramids were not built by slaves.

The phenomenon of the great Egpytian pyramids was rooted in the notion that they were ordered to be built by slaves under the command of a merciless pharaoh. When they were built, 6.5 million tons of stone were pulled around by nothing but wood, rope, and labor. It was not hard to believe it was perpetuated by tyrannical rule, especially with those conditions. But, a look inside the pyramids to the graffiti of the walls revealed a different truth. Archaeologists came across the city of the pyramid builders, where animal remains and technology revealed that they were actually highly respected in Egyptian culture. I’d imagine the builders also got to see plenty of Cleopatra boobies. Nice.

Napoleon Bonaparte was not a midget

Today, everyone seems to think Napoleon Bonaparte was a literal midget. So much so that we even developed a term with him as the namesake, “Napoleon complex”. It is a term, also known as short man syndrome, that pretty much describes a short guy who compensates for being short by acting like he can beat the shit out of everyone. But, Napoleon was actually an average height, 5’6. It was only because of the British that everyone thinks he’s a midget. Popular cartoonists just wanted to fuck with him so they kept dropping the hottest diss tracks in the form of political cartoons that depicted him as a midget and called him “little boney”. British artists created a narrative that Napoleon was a little angry midget just to get in his head. And it worked. He described some artists as having did “more than the armies of Europe to bring me down”. They just kept calling him a little man and saying he was a stupid short bitch and they got in his head. Take notes Larry Bird.

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