Updated: Aug 5
Cam Newton’s Morning Schedule has left me speechless. I do not know where to start. Let’s address the time first. 4:00 is just an absurd time for him to be waking up. Feels like something he tells his teammates just to get a response like, “Dude that’s crazy, couldn’t be me,” where Cam walks away thinking he is better than everyone else. I really don't think if he pushed it back to 6:00 it would affect much going on. Cam has the morning schedule of a morning sports radio producer. Guy must be getting max 5 hours of sleep per night.
Cam when his alarm goes off:
If waking up that early is not weird enough he is leaving the house 10 MINUTES after his alarm goes off. I absolutely smell cap. I don’t know about you all, but I go through at least 5 alarms per morning. I start with a chill vibe wake up song as my first alarm and by the 5th alarm I am being woken up by Tekashi 6ix9ine screaming GUMMO.
Could not be Cam Newton. No, he wakes up with the first alarm like some sort of robot. Dude probably sleeps in his outfit for the next day. This is the only logical morning schedule I could think he could be doing in his 10 minutes to leave his house:
Shower before bed
1m get to the bathroom and turn on shower
3m possibly rinse body
2m teeth brushing
3m put on gym clothes
1m grab keys and bag and head out
As you can see, I did not include Morning Piss as that was included in morning shower, even though my instincts tell me he is not a shower peeing type of guy. It was, however, the only way he could get out within ten minutes.
After he leaves his house, all we know is it takes him three and a half hours to have his first sip of coffee. Absolute mayhem. I cannot wrap my head around that. What is the man doing in that time. Twitter had a field day with that one.
Like I said, this is probably cap. Spreading lies I presume. So instead, I will provide you all with a more realistic schedule Cam follows:
Cam Newton’s morning schedule:
4:30 AM: wake up
5:00 AM: dress like a weird douche
6:00 AM: eat a dick for breakfast
10:00 AM: miss every receiver in practice
5:20PM-8:00PM: blow my parlay
I tried guys. I really did. I was going to be the bigger man and not even mention his play on the field. I am not going to say whether or not this is the reason he has struggled all season, but I will leave you off with the morning schedule of an Ex Patriots Quarterback, who you all may be familiar with.