What Its Like to Smoke Weed

Before I get into it there's some thing I gotta mention. The first is I am actually an advocate for weed, I don't know if its fact but I think a lot of really smart people and scientists and shit all say it can be helpful for some people so like if it works for you that's pretty dope you should keep doing it. However, when I smoke weed it's the end of the world on a continuous loop, and the best way I can describe it is in a multitude of stages.

****NOTE: It is Legal to Smoke Weed Where I Live and I am of Age, don't do drugs kids...


First Stage: Oh Fuck, its happening

As soon as I smoke weed, like literally as soon as it hits my lungs I get this wave of like aggressive warmth and disorientation that comes over me, and my first thought is always: 'oh fuck you idiot don't you remember how bad this thing goes? Your going to die tonight'. Now before you say anything about changing my mindset and being in a good environment I want you to know I have tried everything. I have smoked with my girlfriend; didn't help... I have smoked at parties; made it worse... I have smoked just chilling watching a movie; and it doesn't work (most of the time, very rarely does it work). The 'oh fuck its happening' stage as best as I can describe it, is similar to the scene from get out. I know what's happening, I know everything is normal because it just was normal before I got high, but my thought process and association to my entire body as a whole has shifted... I have lost control and am conscious enough to know I have lost control, but there is nothing I can do...the trip has begun.


Stage Two: Get the Hell Away from Me:

After Stage One I can always tell when I am shifting into stage two. I know this because all the sudden everyone starts to look at me. I start to think to myself why is everyone looking at me? did I do something? does everyone usually look at me this often? did I accidentally speak? did someone speak to me? All these thoughts constantly running through my mind cause what I believe to be a malfunction. To describe the malfunction is difficult to me, its like a graphic that shows up in my vision but obviously isn't really there (you know when you close your eyes and you see something clearly as if you are there? If you know what that is than you know what I am talking about, except its happening in real time during real interaction, not when my eyes are closed). Once the malfunction hits I typically run away, I do my best to get everyone the fuck away from me. The only problem is I usually notice I am laughing, when I am laughing everyone seems to follow me, probably thinking "why is this kid giggling to himself and running away to his room?". It is understandably hilarious for everyone else, but you have to understand for me its a matter of life and death, remember... we are in a malfunction.


Stage 3: Life Is not real, No One is Here Yet Everyone is Watching Me

Now this is where shit gets absolutely unreal. When I am in my room alone all I can think about is how my mind or whoever controlling it has tricked me into thinking going in my room away from other people is best, when really it was my demise.


Let's pause for a second... you are probably thinking ' This is bullshit, if you know all this stuff happens why don't you just not do what you think your mind is telling you and relax with your friends or whoever your with', and to that I say this: in real time nothing has ever felt so real, no problem has ever felt worse... It's like when you pretend to throw the ball and your dog runs after it, gets him every time... same thing when I smoke weed... Gets me every goddamn time.


Now, back to stage 3. Once I realize this mistake I will try to go on my phone, when I go on my phone for too long the letters on the keyboard trip me out, the phone feels like its a part of my body, something I can't let go of but desperately need to let go of. As I am stuck staring into my phone in desperation to stop locking eyes with it and 'detatch' it from my body, I eventually notice I am forgetting to breath, or at least think I forget to breath, which then leads to me freaking out and staring at the wall, window, etc. At this point most people would just go to bed, but me? No. No, I for some reason (since I have noticed how much effort it takes to breath) feel that If I fall asleep I will forget to breathe and suffocate to death, so I force myself to stay up.


When I am staying up like this I will randomly twitch, or freak the fuck out because I have stared too long at one specific thing, I start to make out faces of people or scary beings, so I will stare at something else. This process repeats itself until I see something really fucked up. Usually its a window where I make out a face or a person looking at me, but worse case scenario I will end up trapped staring at a mirror.


When I stare at the mirror I know I am staring at myself, but there's something in my mind telling me that's not me. I start to second guess my life, what I have done in the past vs what I can change in the future, but than... than I realize (or think I realize) its not me, it's never been me in the mirror my whole life. Its a different reality of me in a different universe, who thinks they are seeing themself just as I think I am seeing myself. All the sudden I start to notice little differences between the two of us, a smirk here a misplaced blemish on my face and so on..... I than freak the fuck out and attempt to get water.


Stage 4: The Expedition

The expedition is not nearly as difficult to describe but still, very fucking weird. Time moves slower as I walk to the bathroom or just anywhere to get water, I can feel the wind moving past me as I walk, leading me to believe I am running, even though I think I am walking (to this day I never know if I am walking or running here). When I get to the water I drink like a shit ton, or at least I think a shit ton... basically it ends with me choking on the water being like fuck I am gonna die if I don't breathe while I drink water, so I try to breath and drink water at the same time... this obviously never fucking works. Repeat this process probably 2 or 3 times and that will complete the expedition stage... now here comes the fifth and final stage... accepting reality


Stage 5: Accepting Reality (or what I think is reality)

At this point I have gotten up like 3 times to get water, thought I choked and almost died on the water and am trying my hardest to not forget to breath. My eyes get tired, I can hardly keep myself up to stare at anything anymore and I am obviously thirsty again but I can't bring myself to get water. It all hits me at this point; I have no water, I am struggling to breath, and I am certain the miscellaneous beings are staring at me (god forbid there's a mirror there, I accept there's another me in the universe staring at me). I finally give up, I close my eyes completely positive (no matter how many times I tell myself its not true) that I am going to die, and I will just be another kid found dead in his room of a drug related death, or worse yet, a random death where no one knows how I died.


Stage 6: Dude How was none of that real

This is in the morning. I wake up in what was the best and most deep sleep of my life, completely rejuvenated. I remember everything but don't know how to describe it to anyone, and I usually just live with whatever the fuck just happened up until I forget what happened, in which case I think I am good to smoke again and repeat the process (usually once every six months).


Ending Note:

After asking people about it in the best way I can describe it in conversation usually most people are like 'dude I wish I could get that high', when really it's the worst thing in the entire world. I feel like when I smoke I am like woke as shit, and I realize all that shit about parallel universes and stuff is real, and my brain just can't handle it so I knock myself out convincing myself there's no other option.


Last thing, fuck you to all the people that can function on weed, wish that could be me and that I didn't I freak the fuck out every two seconds convincing myself I was gonna die.


*** Side Note: The first time I got high my friends fucked with me and put like a pretend ring around me and spoke another language or mouthed all their words making me think I couldn't understand them or I was completely deaf. So yea its probably all their fault, don't know why I am still friends with those kids.



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