Why LeBron's Space Jam Already Sucks

Updated: 10 hours ago

Earlier today the first trailer for Space Jam: A New Legacy was released. This remake of the 1996 Space Jam with Michael Jordan stars Lebron James, NBA superstar and certified pussy. Remaking a staple of culture like Space Jam has become the norm for media over the last decade; usually failing to capture any of the magic of their predecessors (if you don't believe me just watch the Lion King and Mulan remakes, or don't, they blow) and Space Jam 2 will be no exception.

If you haven't seen the trailer yet, be sure to watch it and prepare to join the roast.

I've never cringed harder watching a trailer in my life. Every word out of Lepussy's mouth sounds incrediblely annoying and pretentious. The entire plot is about Lebron being a bad Dad controlling the hell out of Bronny and then losing him in the multiverse. Where's the charm in that? Space Jam 1 was about Michael stopping his baseball career to go help the toons and Lebron's is him being such a fuck up that he needs the help of a rabbit and a duck with a speech impediment. What a loser.

The animation also infuriates me. In the original, the toons look exactly as they do in their respective cartoons keeping it goofy and light. In A New Legacy, the CGI is on par with fucking Thanos. If I wanted to just watch a 2 hour CGI lightshow I'd just watch Godzilla vs Kong again and have a way better time.

And if you think Lebron even has the capacity for this kind of genuine, inspirational scene like Michael opened up with you're out of your mind. Bottom line if you watch this movie I'm going to assume you were abducted by terrorists and forced to watch it on an endless loop until you're begging for death, or you're a Lebron Sheep. Your pick.

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